002: Sanctum (2011)

After spending New Year’s evening watching the perplexing Inception, the proceeding day enabled my dad to get one back on me (he said that he found Inception ’too up it’s arse’. Oh well, at least it’s an opinion).

Gracing the remote like an Olympian, he bounded up down the living room, flicking as he went. And then it hit him, like I hit him last week when we went fishing and he caught a bigger dogfish than I, when he saw the acclaim ‘Sanctum – James Cameron produced…’, and it was all but over for me.

I don’t really have a pejorative thing to say about James Cameron, he is a passionate filmmaker who doesn’t settle for compromise. That being said, when he caught a screening of this turd monkey, I’m sure he did at least one of these.

The faux australian accents are nauseating, particularly Fab4 welshman Ioan Gruffudd’s (seriously, we have no idea what he is. Probably a mutant), and worse than that is you watch completely unfazed, with no connection to characters. Even this film’s saving grace – the tropically lush Papa New Guinean cave landscape – cannot keep you engaged.

A story revolving around a bunch of trapped cave divers and their plight to escape…in nauseating 3-D! Leave it out, Cameron and start working on that Titanic sequel.

★☆☆☆☆☆

IMDb it.

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